this blog is just for me. it's where I can write my feelings. let out frustrations. discuss my highs. suffer in my lows. if someone happens to read it and relate then that's an added bonus.
if you don't want to hear someone whine...then maybe this particular post isn't for you.
and if no one reads this post at all...that's okay too. it's just an online diary and everyone has a key to the lock and I can never lose the key (unless the internet stops working) so I can come back in 5, 10, or 15 years to read and look how far i've come (fingers crossed there is progression by that time).
the following are just thoughts. thoughts I want to let out so I'm not constantly being that "passive-aggressive annoying person" on twitter or pinterest.
1. i'm passive on twitter. i hate it when people are that way on facebook, but I do pretty much the same thing on twitter. except my main objective is not to get people to ask me "what's wrong" or "who are you talking about." it's just random tweets. yes, they are usually about certain people or events, but I don't tweet them to get a reaction. i tweet to tweet.
2. i'm passive on pinterest. i would say that 75% of the "inspirational" quotes I pin onto my "truth." board are not meant for me. they are meant for others to see. i will pin quotes with the intention of a specific person (not always the same person) reading it. i could send it to he/she directly, but i do it passively (obviously).
3. i wish i could just write emails to everyone i have problems with and let out all my aggressions on how i feel they treat me or treat others. but i realize that would be an asshole move. honesty isn't always the best policy, but i wish it could be.
3a. but sometimes if you catch me on a bad day...the f*cks I gave are gone and there's no turning back. ask the guy on tinder who's metaphorical balls i cut off with a butterknife. different story for a different day.
4. i try to go into a new weekday with a positive attitude, but by 9am that's all out the window.
5. i wish i could find a way to be happy. just happy with everything. my job. my friends. my family. my social life. my finances. everything.
6. i'm jealous. my jealousy is usually manifested in those passive tweets you see. i've tried to convince myself it's because i'm a better person or friend, but i've realized, the reason i'm upset is mostly just because i'm jealous.
7. i need to stop being jealous. jealous of their money. their success. their path in life. their smiles that i don't have.
8. i used to think everyone around me was a C U Next Tuesday, but the more i sit back...that person might actually be me.
9. if there is any way to cure me of my jealous, mean-spirited, passive-aggressive ways...please let me know. i beg you. if you actually read this post and saw 1-8...i obviously need help.
6 comments:
I read it and it always helps to put it out there. You are not alone. I am definitely passive aggressive-ask Joe :)
I wasn't really a jealous person until I started reading more blogs. People aren't always honest in the way they portray their lives and I have to remind myself that. Because some of them seem so damn perfect. And it's fucking annoying.
Girl, you are NOT alone. I am the same on pretty much all aspects!
There's definitely nothing wrong with putting it all out there like you did. I completely understand and I think what your feeling and going thru is absolutely normal. We're human.
Put God first in your life and keep Him there and everything else will fall right into place. :)
Ugh, I hate this for you, but I get it and I'm so impressed that you're owning it! I love you to pieces. You are such a wonderful person and friend and you know this to be true. You have far more strengths than weaknesses, but we all focus more on our downfalls, don't we? I'm so excited that I'll be seeing you in 2 short weeks *muah* Chin up chicky!
I too wish honesty were the best. I just want to tell a friend when they are being a jerk and severely ruining our relationship but I may not be too pleasant about it.
And I am pretty jealous too. I wish I weren't and I wish I were happy with my life but it isn't always easy.
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