so...about that beach mime

I realize it's been like 85 years since I last blogged and twice that long since I even mentioned my hella fun girls' trip to Punta Cana. 

I mean it's been over a month ago since I went.  But hell, some bloggers post about their weddings 5 years after they got married so I guess it's okay if I post about my vacation I took a month ago.

In my solo post regarding Punta Cana, I mentioned a "beach mime" that terrorized my days while we were there.

Day 1 we were sunning on the beach.  Enjoying the scenery and trying to avoid eye contact with topless grandma's and Mandy points out..."there's a mime on this beach."

I turn and look and sure enough an effin' "beach mime" as we referred to him was walking up and down the beach carrying an all black flag with the word REVIVE on it and handing out flyers.

I was in no mood to be accosted by some solicitor dressed as a crappy clown.

So I did what any person would do, I put on my sunglasses and pretended to be asleep.

It started to rain so we went and sat under a little thatch umbrella by the pool to wait it out.  As the clouds part and the rain stops I see "Beach Mime" in the distance.

I point him out to Mandy and I see him slowly heading our way...still carrying that dumbass flag.

She starts laughing at just the sight of him and I immediately yell at her to stop and pretend like she's asleep otherwise "Beach Mime" will think we're friendly and walk up to us.

She continues laughing hysterically to which I scream "I'm fucking serious. Pretend you're asleep. Don't fuck this up!"

She's still chuckling but complying with my requests. 

I tilt my head to the side and as he approaches closer I do one of those "head falling because I'm asleep" moves.  You know the ones where if you're sitting up and your head falls down after you've quickly fallen asleep. 

Yup...I faked one of those just to not have "Beach Mime" come up to me.

He passed and then we went back to the beach.

We saw him all the time after that and he never approached us.  The sick thing?  He was always wearing the same outfit.

Next on the Punta Cana agenda...that time I went to a club...in a cave.

pimped out ride

My stepsister attended her first prom this weekend. 

I heard that some of the other prom go-ers were piling up in a "party bus" complete with stripper pole and it reminded me of the ride I took to my prom senior year.

Yes...that is indeed a step ladder.

I'm also concerned about my prom hair...I believe there was a twist in the back and as you can note the "catfish" whiskers.  Those two tiny whisps of bangs hanging down.

punta cana...the scenery

I realize it's been almost two weeks since I've been back from Punta Cana and haven't even told you about it. 

I know you've all been crying yourselves to sleep at night worrying I never would.  I have been too.

First let me start with the scenery and then later in the week I'll get into the stories. 

Like how this "beach mime" likes to eye rape beach sunbathers everyday.

I realize you might not consider people in thongs "scenery"...but those plus topless Grandma's was our scenery so deal with it.

save the bff

So...I was sad to hear the news that one of my FAVORITE, FAVORITE, FAVORITE new shows is in danger of being cancelled after only 4 episodes.

Have you watched?  BFF on NBC

If you have any type of OnDemand feature through your cable I HIGHLY recommend you watch all 4 episodes now and tell me you're not in love.  Or you can watch the episodes online.

Please do your part, watch the show online or OnDemand...help save this show.  It's too hilarious to go away.

Here a little article BuzzFeed did on the many reasons why this show should not be cancelled. (There are more vids for your enjoyment in that article)

And if baby Jesus hears our prayers and gets the show picked up for more seasons/episodes I'll let in on the secret of how I know this handsome hunk in real life. True story.

By 30...you should have, you should know.

An old college classmate emailed this to me the other day.  I wanted to share.  I realize some of my readers might be over 30, but that's really not the point. 

I'll highlight my favorites and that apply to myself.

By 30, you should have ...

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it.

8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you.

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.

13. The belief that you deserve it.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.

By 30, you should know ...

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.

2. How you feel about having kids.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

4. When to try harder and when to walk away.

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town.

7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.

8. Where to go -- be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat -- when your soul needs soothing.

9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.

11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.

13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.

14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.

15. Why they say life begins at 30

May Photo-A-Day

I'm going to challenge myself to do this Photo A Day challenge in May. 

Follow along on Twitter or Instagram (@sweetbef)