i do not read: a book review

I do not read.  That's a fact.  The last book I read was Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me on my way to New Orleans with this blonde.

I've actually read all her books.

I attempted to hop on The Hunger Games train, but that failed around the part before they were to go into the actual games.  Whoops, hope I didn't give away the ending.

I have books on a shelf and the majority of them I've never even finished.

I usually like to stick with books that have a movie coming out...I successfully got through Dear John, but why does Nick (we're close now so I can call him Nick) Sparks have to ALWAYS have unhappy endings.  Never fails.  I guess Nick is a realist.

But the whole point of this story to let you girls (and one dude) know that i'm officially half way through a book. 

It was a birthday present to myself. 

I saw someone tweet about how hilars it was.  I read an excerpt and knew it would be my kind of book.

Does anyone read The Bloggess? 

Total hilars.

She wrote this book. 

And here is her warning in her prologue.

I wrote a book and it only took me 11 years. (Shut up, Stephen King.)

You should probably go buy it right now, because it’s filled with awesomeness. And cocaine. But only if you hollow it out and fill it with your own cocaine. I’m not buying you cocaine. Because I love you.

And that’s why you should buy my book. Because I’m saving you from yourself. And from cocaine.

YOU’RE WELCOME.

I'm not sure why I titled this post "a book review" because I haven't finished it, but so far it's funny.

And when I LOL for reals I know it's a keeper.

p.s. for the record, i did read ALL 3 million pages of the twilight books.  that's true success.

this post is brought to you by Magic Mike.  suck on that haters.