I don't know who I am anymore.

tap, tap. is this thing on?

I don't have any life updates...no home renovations, engagement photos, wedding details, fun summer outfits or growing babies.

but I have been on a "journey" of sorts and I wanted to share.  

I swear this is not me trying to sell you something or get you to join my squad by paying a "small" fee and sipping on smoothies all day long or get those wrinkles gone.

this is just me, being real, and letting you know how it's going.

back in january, my weight was the 2nd highest it's ever been (only 4lbs off from my highest weight ever).  my clothes didn't fit.  I never wanted to wear jeans because they were literally painful to wear.  and I knew if I didn't do something soon I would not be feeling good when summer rolls around.  i've tried it all...shakes, Rx diet pills, regular diet pills, starving myself, etc.  but those were always just a quick fix and a few months after I stopped the weight would be back and then some.

so I started watching what I ate.  I would write down everything I ate and then once I got in the habit of that I would start pre-planning my meals for the next day.  At night, I write down my meals for the next day so I'm prepared and not coming home wondering what I'm going to be eating or going to the drive-thru. 

then I decided I probably needed to move more.  eating well when I tried to lose weight before was all I ever had to do.  I wasn't someone who went to the gym.  apparently, when you're 30+ that is not the case.  I had seen people posting their steps on social media and thought "hey! I can do that too!" but i didn't realize that 10K steps in a day is a LOT.  so I bought a step tracker and started little by little and each day I would go up 500 more steps.  I started walking around in my living room, then walking around my apartment complex.  then I expanded to walking around the neighborhood, local parks, etc.  

please note this is coming from someone who would get home from work at 5:30 and immediately put on pj's.  now when I get home from work I put on workout clothes so I'm ready to go on a walk after dinner.  I hadn't even bought a pair of tennis shoes in over 10 years and now I have a new pair that I wear more than any other shoes I own.  I don't know who I am anymore.  

I was also someone who would eat fast food at least 3 times a week.  now I don't even eat it 3 times in a month.  I don't know who I am anymore.

I was someone who would stay in bed until the very last minute I had to get up to get ready for work and now I'm out of bed by 6:45 and out walking.  again...I don't know who I am anymore.

little by little my lifestyle has changed.  and little by little the weight is coming off and I feel confident that when summer is in full effect I'll feel good about myself.

I still have cellulite.  I still binge eat.  I still have a muffin top in certain clothes.  I don't run or do any heavy activity...just walk.  but the habits I've been able to form I know will last me much longer than a "quick fix."  and I get to eat whatever I want, whenever I want it's just in moderation. and if I have an off day I know that tomorrow is a new one and I can start fresh.  it's taken over 4 months just to lose 15lbs and I still have another 15lbs to go, but I try not to get discouraged by those "off moments" and just focus on the habits i've created for myself.

if anyone is still reading this...i'm not trying to preach or brag or annoy anyone.  trust me...i'm annoyed by people that try to push their sh*t on me or fill up my social media feeds with BS.  i'm just here to let people know what works for me and maybe it can work for me.  that's all.

story time: the mic drop

I don't have any photos for this story time.  But I wanted to record it because it was a fun night and I want to be able to look back (if internet still exists in the future) when I'm 67 and say "I was a cool 32 year old lady."  I use the term "lady" very loosely.

Recently, I went out with one of my girlfriends and her hubby for some drinks and we met up with a group of old co-workers that all worked at the same advertising agency here in town.

We get to this bar that I never knew existed on the outskirts of downtown.  They didn't serve liquor...only beer in cans and wine in clear plastic cups...so obviously an extremely upscale joint. But they had karaoke.

My friend Ally and I went through our repertoire and decided on the 90's rap realness that is Gangsta's Paradise by Coolio.  I mean I can't even be in a church and hear "as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death" without wanting to scream out "I take a look at my life and realize there's nothing left!!!"  Seriously...every time.

I sipped heavily and quickly on some cups of the finest Barefoot Pinot Grigio and was ready to hit the stage.  

We rapped our little hearts out and knew every word.  And right after I legitimately dropped the mic. Always wanted to do that.  (Actually I bent down a little bit and gently dropped the mic on the floor and walked away...I was afraid I would break the mic and be charged if I went full force with it).

I thought that would be the killer exit, but we only got some soft applause and maybe a "Wooo!" from one of our friends.  Needless to say, the crowd was not our demo...and probably didn't even know that a person named Coolio even existed in the world.  

But still it's been one of my proudest moments in my 32 years.  Because I live a sad life and dropping a mic has been #12 on my bucket list.

WILW: TV

what I'm loving Wednesday...

I'm a TV junkie.  I've debated giving up my cable, but it would be a hard "luxury" to remove from my daily routine.  No matter how much it costs me every month.

in this post, I said how much I love American Crime.  and I still do...but here are a couple of other shows that are worth the mention and highly recommended by moi!

1. Younger

I started watching this show last season when it started and LOVE it!  It's currently in it's 2nd season (and already renewed for a 3rd) and comes on Wednesday nights on TV Land.  It's about a 40 year old single, divorced mom who gets a job in publishing posing as a 27 year old.  Her boyfriend is SUPER hot...so the eye candy is great.  It's funny and relatable.  And it makes me jealous that a 40 year old looks younger than me.

2. American Crime Story: The People vs OJ Simpson

I remember this trial.  Not as vividly as some do because I was 11 and more focused on swimming at the pool with my friends during the summer but I definitely remember watching the Bronco chase at home (because it was the only thing on TV at the time) and then watching the trial every day during the summer (because it was the only thing on TV at the time).  

Even though we all know the outcome of this story it's so good.  It goes so in depth on details we don't know about everyone involved in the trial.  And I mean EVERY. ONE.  I highly recommend.

I think I'm mostly excited to find out what the next American Crime Story they chose to do.

five on friday.

just wanted to join in and share some of my current favorites at the moment.

1. TV

If you love Law & Order: SVU, Dateline, basically any crime show in general then you will LOVE American Crime on ABC.  We just had episode 3 on Wednesday and it's ramping up hard.  I highly recommend.  Catch the earlier episodes on demand and get into it.

2. The Bitch Bible

At work we have very limited access to streaming music (ie Spotify, Pandora, etc) so I started getting into podcasts to get me through my work day...and this is one of my favorites.  If you're a fan of anything on Bravo, the Bachelor, etc then you'll love this...

3. Bitch Sesh

this is another podcast that I look forward to every week.  they break down the Real Housewives series and recap the weeks episodes.  it's hilarious.  

if you catch me laughing til I cry at my desk it's because of these 2 podcasts.  both available on iTunes.

4. Evelyn Henson

I have just discovered this artist and I am in love.  she has so many cute prints and I love her map series.  currently coveting this Greenville, SC print...and it's so reasonably priced.  check her out here.

5. Music

I leave you with some good music for those that enjoy a good rap tune.  Fetty Wap is currently one of my favorite rappers.

I don't own this sweatshirt for nothing, y'all!

favorite beauty products: part 2 (tried and true)

after last week's skincare/beauty post, I wanted to do a follow-up on my favorite beauty products I absolutely can't live without.  my "tried and true."

(left to right)

1. Maybelline Falsies mascara

I've tried so many different mascara's over the past 5-6 years and I ALWAYS come back to this mascara.  It makes my lashes the longest, doesn't clump, and comes off easily with a make-up wipe.

2. NYX Matte Lipstick

this is the best lipstick.  it stays on FOR-EVER...I don't experiment a lot with lip stick, but compared to the more expensive brands in my drawer this beats them with staying power 100%.  and NYX is such a widely available brand it's so easy to pick up anywhere and the majority of their products are under $10.

3. NYX Butter Gloss

after I apply the NYX matte lipstick, I dab a bit of this gloss on and i'm done with my make-up routine.  it's the perfect finish.  I realize that matte lips are all the rage now, but I think i'll always wear gloss.

honorable mention: Bare Minerals Buttercream gloss

a friend gave me the Bare Minerals gloss for Christmas and I've been using it daily ever since.  I love it just like my NYX.  highly recommend.

23 fun facts.

last thing you splurged on? Trip to Las Vegas for New Year's Eve.

favorite Beyonce song? "Love on Top"

favorite smell? burning leaves / firewood.

must have accessory? a really, good handbag.

spirit animal? unicorn.

what city were you born in? baton rouge, louisiana

favorite city? charleston, sc

place you want to visit? greece.

greatest invention? the internet.

first car? red '97 pontiac sunfire.

first kiss? when I was 15...he now has 3 kids with another on the way.

3 traits you look for in a person? sense of humor, loyal, kindness

last person you called? uber

last person that text you? sandi

song that makes you cry? "Only One" by Kanye West

favorite season? toss up between fall and spring.

staycation or african safari? african safari. 


first crush? jordan knight from new kids on the block.

worst pick-up line you've ever heard? "Is that your natural hair color? I've heard redheads are going extinct."

favorite piece of jewelry? TB gold studs...wear them 98% of the time.

how long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 30 minutes. (that's only if I wash/dry my hair the night before)

i'm really bad at ______ ? budgeting.

i'm really good at ______? remembering random useless facts, fun memories, etc.

wordless wednesday

remember when wordless wednesday was a thing?  let's bring it back.

favorite skincare/beauty products.

testing...testing...is this thing on?  

I don't know if anyone still reads this ol' blog, but just in case I wanted to share some of my current favorite skincare and beauty products with you.

(from top left to right)

1. NYX HD Eye Shadow Base.

I never really gave much thought to an eye shadow primer / base until about 8 months ago and it's been life changing.  It helps bring out the pigment of your eye shadow so much.  I can totally tell a difference if I don't use it, because I can't see my eye shadow at all if I don't use it prior to applying my eye shadow.  It's also great to prevent eye liner creasing.  I had a big issue with that always happening because of my oily lids, but with this I can say it rarely (if ever) happens.

Honorable Mention: Urban Decay Eye Shadow Primer...it works well too, but the price point isn't that ideal for budget ballers like myself.  And I feel like it doesn't dry as quickly as NYX.

2. Burt's Bees Herbal Blemish Stick

I'm not going to say this works instantly, but it definitely stops stubborn zits in their tracks.  I can totally tell a difference when I dab this on at night and in the morning it's smaller in size and less red. It doesn't smell great, but it's not an overwhelming odor at all.  And it's better than dabbing a thick cream and worrying about it getting on your pillows/clothes/etc.  

3. Rimmel London Lasting Finish Primer

This primer is water based which I like b/c it goes well with my water based BB cream.  I do like that silicone based primers fill in fine lines and wrinkles (ie Maybelline and Smashbox), but I love that this goes on smooth and makes my make-up stay in place and perfect ALL DAY LONG.  legit.

4. Nip + Fab No Needle Fix Serum

2016 is the year I've become obsessed with wrinkles (and eyebrows...will have to do separate post about those things).  I legit find myself staring at peoples faces in person or on TV and seeing if they have the same wrinkles I do, etc.  So I've been on the hunt for great anti-aging products.  I really like this serum so far.  It smells great and goes on so smooth and I can definitely tell that it brightens my skin and fills in lines and wrinkles.  I use it before I go to bed and in the morning after I wash my face and before my moisturizer.  I wouldn't say it's preventing wrinkles or taking them away, but it's good to fill them in before I start my makeup routine.  

I'm EXTEMELY open for suggestions on what you use for preventing wrinkles or getting rid of them all together.  Next on my list to try is ROC products to see if those work.