This is a story for the ages.
A few weeks ago, I was coming back from out of town and there was a box at my front door. I was expecting a package from a friend, so without even looking at the label, etc I kicked the box in my apartment and immediately opened it.
This was inside.
As I was pulling this stuff out of the box I was thinking, "if someone really gave me this I'm going to be pissed." Then I found a card that said from "Pop Pop and Jewell" and it was addressed to two people who obviously did not live at my address anymore. The FedEx label only had my address...no names.
About a week later, I got a Christmas card from Pop Pop and Jewell and put a note "no longer at this address" and dropped it back in the mail.
Then last night I received a letter addressed to me...
Before I opened it, I thought it might be from one of my guy friends. I mean...what girl has penmanship like that?
Enclosed was a two page typed letter:
Really Pop Pop?!
1) I'm sure you just google "white supremacist mug shot" and copied and pasted that into this letter.
2) Do spellcheck before sending these types of letters. Your grammar is laughable.
3) You live in the Grand Cayman Islands per your stamp and PO meter. If you couldn't even hand deliver a present to your niece are you really gonna pay for a flight to come and "dance" with me?
4) It's not my fault that you don't know your nieces new address.
5) If you show up at my doorstep, I will first call the police, then I will slice you with my bad ass butcher knife, and then i'll throw that dumbass jelly and sauces on your fat ass. I still have it.
6) Quit being a damn cry baby.
Honestly, I would be lying if I said that last night every time I heard a car door slam I didn't think it was Pop Pop coming to kill me.
So if I turn up missing or dead...he did it.
22 comments:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA
I laughed about this so much yesterday that my head and chest were hurting.
This is the best story. EVER. hahahahaha
You forgot the party about Keith Morrison handling your Dateline special. Thanks OK, you know I gots ya.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! What does Jane think about all this???
OMG. This was one hilarious story. THANKFULLY you have posted this because now you have TONS of witnesses throughout the US ;-) Kiiiinda scary, might have to invest in some mace!!?
Ohhhhhh my goodness. This is friggin hilarious! Only this type of stuff happens to you.
OMFG!!! is this FOR REAL!!! Beth! i can't stop LOL'ing.... i saw your tweets last night and was wondering who pop pop was! GO get some pepper spray - did he leave an address? can you write back??? im dying....
Who the eff does that?!? Get some mace! I would be freaking out. Ha,ha!
OMGG i swear some people are nuts! That is too funny. Except if i were you i would totally be running for the hills a little bit.
Oh my goodness! This is insanely hilarious. Who does that?! Actually... If that really is his picture than I'm not too surprised. Haha
That would completely freak me out! His picture alone freaks me out. I think you should tweet at least once an hour at all times so we know you're still alive.
sorry to hear to had to go through this! But I love you laughted!
Lyosha
Inside and Outside Blog
WOW!
NO EFFING WAY! HOLY MOTHER! That is totally a story for the ages - wow wow wow!
Oh my gosh! This is a little funny but, no lie that would scare the sh*t out of me!!
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG that is HILARIOUS. In all honesty I'd prob just regift that stuff.
I have SOO been looking forward to the rest of the story from yesterdays tweets!! Glad you're safe, but ol' Pop Pop needs a cap popped in his ass and I need more wine.
HAHAHAHAH!!
OHHH MY GOSH! That is one for the books! I can't believe someone had the nerve to do that! Pop-Pop. WOW.
But secretly I'd be scared. But you seem sassy enough that they could possibly be scared of you and that butcher knife of yours!! :)
Keep us posted!
Wow... that is all kinds of crazy! Good thing its on the internet now for all the world to see :)
wow you can tell this story the rest of your life again, and again and you will still get laughs!
There are no words for this, seriously. I mean...do things like this even happen in real life? Insane. lol
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA OMG Beth, this is THEE BEST THING I have EVER HEARD in MY LIFE. Why don't I ever get letters like that!?!?!?
Well..... you were in a bar for starters.. but dont blame the poor fellow, he was just trying to run game on you.. He didnt know how rediculous he seemed. Thats the thing ladies, some guys just dont know.. its sad.. :(
WOW, that is the funniest/scariest/most ridiculous thing ever! I would be scared of car doors too, but someone with that poor grammar cannot have a job that would allow them to purchase plane tickets to come and get you :)
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