i've done MANY posts about being single and dating.
i'm here to report...it's not getting any better. (at least not for me).
so please excuse me while I vent out all my frustrations in this post. but this is where I can be my most vulnerable. I don't have to bother my friends with my dating woes. I can just put it here, on this blog, and let it all out.
i've been on a numerous amount of dates over the past year or so. i've exchanged many text messages with guys over the past year. i'm 31 years old...i've been dating for almost half of my life. you would think I would have this all figured out by now. well, I don't.
it's always hard seeing someone you used to date out with his new girlfriend. especially if it's only been a few months since you stopped dating each other. but the worst is when you see that person just got engaged. I can't even hate...because she's a normal looking girl and I could probably be friends with her.
this isn't the first time this has happened to me. but this is the worst i've felt upon seeing it.
let me tell you...dating sucks. it's complicated. there are so many "rules" and you're constantly second guessing yourself.
"should you kiss on the first date?"
"is it okay to have sex on the first date? or will he think you're a slut?"
"should you text him first?"
"when should you call him after a date?"
"when do you have the DTR talk?"
"does he still like me?"
i realize that when it happens "you'll know" and i know how to recognize all the signs if a guy is truly into you. because I've been there...when he's into me and when he's not.
but my biggest question is..."why not me?" what am I doing wrong that I'm not worthy to be a fiance' or a wife or a girlfriend? why am I not the first person you text in the morning and the last person you talk to at night? i've been there before and then the minute it's over, he's with someone new and the relationship is loud and clear on social media.
it's hard being 30+ and single. it's hard trying to pay your bills, make sure your shit is together, go to work, save money, stay healthy, hang out with friends, AND date. it's hard going through life where you're constantly surrounded by married friends and happy babies. (trust me...i adore ALL my married friends and ALL of their babies). especially when you're getting asked "so are you dating anyone?" or my personal favorite "why are you still single?" bitch, i'm trying.
i'm tired of hearing..."it'll happen when you least expect it"...great...but that's not going to work for me b/c I'm constantly thinking about it. how I'm going to be 40 and unmarried with ovaries with 2 piles of dust for ovaries. i've tried match, tinder, getting set up by friends, meeting guys at bars, etc. i'm always open minded. i just want someone to adore me...love me...respect me...accept my weirdness...my love for rap music and my hatred for country music.
if you are someone you know, knows what the hell i'm doing wrong with my life...please let me know. because i'm clueless at this point.
but let me be upset for a few days. drink barrels of alcohol. and sleep this off. and then next week maybe I can abide by the mantra below.
6 comments:
I'm sorry, friend. I distinctly remember crying for an entire day on the way down to FL to be a bridesmaid b/c I was so sad that the guy I had been dating for 3 years didn't seen anywhere near proposing (I am glad now). This is probably way outdated now, but I think I was big into The Rules when I was single.
I most certainly understand where you are coming from. It's definitely tiring and depressing. I felt like this before I met my husband. Just be patient. I truly believe God has someone out there for you. Put Him first. Trust in His timing. Everything will fall right into place.
Matthew 6:33
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Keep your chin up!!
I met my husband at 32. I had given up on all online dating and would only see people who someone I knew would vow for. My first date with my now husband was AWFUL!! I mean truly not good. I was patient and flexible and gave him a second try. And then a third. And two years later we were engaged and then married.
I dont know you, but I feel your pain. I get it. And all the cliches and platitudes people used to tell me likely wont help much for you, either.
I am sorry you are having this moment now and I hope the moments to come are better!
Can I cosign? Because...this. All of this!!
I have never had to deal with all of this, but I am so sorry you are! It won't help for me to say this, but hang in there and try at say bye felicia to some of the details and hello felicia to a nice glass of margarita!
Know this. You are not alone. Never alone. I'm 38 and been in the same boat since I was 23. I've had a few boyfriends here and there, but those relationships ended for good reasons. I've been trying match since I was 26 years old. Recently tried Tinder. E harmony - check. Christian Mingle - check. I've done it all. Here's what I learned...I had to totally accept myself and be ok with my identity of being a single, independent and strong person. I know that sounds so cliche, but trust me it is true. I've been on so many first dates, second dates and third dates and then boom - nothing/crickets/nada.
I'm staring at the barrel of 40 and looking in the mirror only to see someone who is alone, childless and not attached to someone else. But at the end of the day, I have to accept the person starring back at me...for who I am. Just know you can be proud of who you are and what you've done. Embrace it. Embrace who you are right now. Right here. Relationships are amazing, make you feel good, give you warm fuzzies, make your heart skip a beat or two. But don't let the desire for what you don't have interrupt what you have going on right now.
And, I know the next person who tells you all the listed cliches you will want to bitch slap. I get it. All I can say is don't put your life's desires on hold waiting around on finding a relationship. Challenge the status quo. I just completed foster parenting classes because I have a desire to be a mother. It's not the plan I had in my head 20 years ago, but that's ok. I'm embracing the notion that life isn't always what you thought it would be. Sometimes it is worse. Sometimes it is better.
Keep your head up, kid. Keep on smiling and trying. I have faith you will chase your dreams and soar.
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